Yesterday I dropped my baby girl off at camp. I wasn't prepared for the flood of emotions that I would feel doing this. Ella was very hesitant about going. She is my kid who likes to stay at home. She likes to be around me and her dad. She misses us when she is gone for more than say a school day. J.R. tells me that this is how he was as a child and quite honestly, he is still that way. He'd rather be at home than traveling the world. I refer to Ella as my extra appendage. I am not used to being at our house without her here. It is a bit unsettling.
I was encouraging her to branch out and attend camp. Some of my best memories are from camp. I made lifelong friends and felt so at home with my church family. I want my kids to have that same experience. My final summer of camps, I was gone for at least 5 weeks as a camper and also a counselor. I couldn't get enough of it. I also credit camp with having prepared me for leaving home. I know that it is my responsibility to prepare my kids to someday leave the nest. I also know that as much as I love them, that I want them TO someday leave the nest.
We had a lot of talks about being homesick and how it is normal. We also talked about how much we love her and that even though we aren't with her, we are always "with" her in her heart. As much as she is thinking about us, we too are thinking about her. She is lucky that her counselor is my good friend, Kathleen, who will be there to hug her and love her and tell her that it is OK. So I feel like I prepared her fully for this new adventure. What I didn't take into account was how horrible I would sleep, how every minute I would be wondering what she is doing, if she is eating, did she make some new friends, if everyone is being nice to her, what if she runs out of socks???? I am a raving lunatic thinking about all of this. I never am the mom who gets weepy when her child sings at church or does something cute. But yesterday I was. I fled from her cabin with tears stinging my eyes, so that she wouldn't see me falling apart. I sat in my car for a moment and wanted to run back and gather her things and take her home with me. I didn't though. I called my friend and cried to her and drove the distance home.
I am proud of her for going and hope that on Friday when I go to pick her up, that she is sad to leave her new friends and that the entire trip home, she tells me all the stories about her camp adventure and mostly I hope that she says "I can't wait for camp next year". Because that is the goal! It's not really about me.
