Yoga 101

I started taking a yoga class awhile back. It is my escape three times a week. The very first time I did it, I walked away feeling as if I had just had an hour massage. I cannot praise my yoga instructor enough. She was born to do this. She is a soft spoken, calming, and compassionate person, who after just a few visits, knew my name. I don't know why that was important to me, but it was.

As I said it is my escape. I am pretty much unaware of anyone else in that class and assume that most people are unaware of me.

Today I walked into yoga and there in my spot is a man talking on his cell phone. First rule of yoga 1. Leave the outside world outside the door. So get off your cell phone. He talked up until it was time to start while others around him are obviously starting to unwind in the quiet bird chirping environment. Did I mention he was in my spot? Not that he knew this, but the creature of habit that I am REALLY had struggles with this.

Rule #2 The breathing is through the nose!!! I could not be more serious about this one. We are not lifting weights dude. If you really are having that much trouble doing the poses, perhaps yoga is not your thing. Your breathing like you were birthing a hippo was DISTRACTING.

Rule #3 Personal Space- and this applies in all areas of life. Please do not park your mat right up my ass. I really don't appreciate it. I also don't appreciate you moving it closer EVERY SINGLE TIME we change poses. If you get kicked in the head, it is not my fault. Or maybe it is since you were so annoying.

Rule #4 What's with the straps? OK so I realize that this is a question, but still it was distracting. You brought what looked like luggage straps and then proceeded to tie them to your ankles or wrap them or something. Not quite sure, but then they kept slipping off and you would fall creating quite the scene. There was a point when I wished I had my video camera with me because I thought a video might just be more proof of your idiocy.

The only thing I can humbly thank you for was that you did not ruin my meditation time. Actually I believe you must have started breathing through your nose because I didn't hear you at all. So maybe you are figuring the breathing out after all.

The lesson I have learned from this all is that maybe it is time for me to move up from the back row. Or at least avoid "John" next time.